Thursday, August 23, 2012

80% Fear, 20% Flawed

{Since I don't have ENG 101 for a few more days, I decided to blog and count it as "school".}

"This is a story all about how my life turned flip side upside down..." {don't you just love The Prince of Bel-Air. =o}

Anyway, my life has taken a turn in the past few years and I'm not just talking about Jesus here. :)

My story is weird and true. In fact, I would go so far as to say it is obscure primarily because of the circumstances.

I was raised (and still am) in a Christian home with wonderful, loving, God-honoring parents. They have and continue to teach me all that I know - give or take a few things. My parents taught me about God, how Jesus can save me from my sin, etcetera. They have guided me along the path teaching me to recognize false teaching, to not believe everything you hear, and the consequences of lying, cheating, and disobeying. My Mom and my Dad also taught me to serve, love, and care about people.

Growing up, I talked with my Mom about certain things but never any moral issues like homosexuality,  same-sex marrriage, birth control, and abortion.  It wasn't that I didn't want to talk about it, I just didn't have that much interest in those issues. But, if I did have a question, I would go to the internet (or a book) first and then follow up with my parents if I wanted more answers. That is, when I started having access to a computer on a regular basis.

I got my first email address when I was 11 almost 12. I only emailed 4 people with three of those being members of my family - Mom, Dad, and my Aunt. I only had one friend at the time who I corresponded with electronically. I maybe got on the computer once or twice a day and only went to "mom-approved" sites like and No.Big.Deal, right? Wrong. You see, I had to go through a homepage to get to my email. So, I would always look at the headlines which led to me clicking on one or two articles every now and then.

And that is when I first learned about abortion.

I don't remember quite how I was informed about it, per say. I think I clicked on maybe one or two news articles when they were featuring something about the issue or I probably saw one or two news casts on TV about the subject of Women's Choice/Reproductive Rights. I started to believe what I was hearing/reading and that is when I become scared.

"What if I get pregnant?" 
"What if I get pregnant and don't want the baby right now?" 
"My body is not ready for a baby just yet. This might be a good solution just in case." 

Those questions and concerns swirled around in my head for days on end.

The enemy had used one of my weaknesses to his advantage - Fear.

I then, made up my mind to start supporting the inhumane act of abortion. Even if I didn't fully believe in it.

Every day I talked to myself, repeated this phrase over and over again.

"Abortion is okay in the first trimester because its not a baby then. It becomes a baby after 12 weeks." 

I also repeated these other phrases to remind myself I wasn't totally for it.

"I don't believe in partial-birth abortion because it is for sure a baby then."
"Yes, a woman should have her choice in what she does for her body. But, I don't think she should have an abortion after 12 weeks." 

So, for two whole years, this is what I did. I didn't bother to talk it over with my parents or anyone else for that matter. I just simply believed that it was okay. In fact, I actually thought I was pro-life. Weird, huh?

You're probably thinking, "How could Christian parents allow this to happen to their child?" "Why weren't they watching her every move?" "Surely, they're not doing their job as parents." "I would have monitored her more if I were her parents."

The thing is, no one knew I supported it. I kept that belief to myself.

But, you have to understand something, God is sovereign. Meaning, He knew about this all along and when to "interrupt" my view and change my beliefs. And....

He did it all in his perfect timing.

{Part 2 coming soon}

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